(Princess & the Pea Illustration by E. Dulac)I’m an insomniac. I think sleeping is for dead people. No, I don’t see dead people! I see cows walking around in outfits. I still haven’t found that perfect pillow. It is difficult to put my brain to sleep, that’s why I write a lot. I mean a lot. I bounce a lot too. Too much monkey power! Once I arrived on planet Earth I had to have my tail surgically removed to be less conspicuous. It was traumatizing. I soon recovered when a wise monkey suggested getting a trampoline. Oh well, now at least I don’t have to worry about getting my tail frozen here in Canada. My trampoline is my brand new favorite thing. By the way, if you’re a curious bunny on how I ended up in Montreal, Canada out of all those warmer places, blame the MBIS (Monkey Business Intelligence Service). They did all those insane calculations (it took them a full year) and put me here. All my arguing about they could have made a slight mistake, the signal might have been better from Hawaii failed. Coming from a warm climate, it took quite some time getting used to the Canadian cold. I soon found out it’s all about layering. If it’s between -1C/-10C you wear one layer of clothing. If it’s between -10C/-15C, two layers and so on. It’s a bit difficult to move in 4 layers, I tell ya. Shopping from girlie stores don’t keep you warm either. All those tiny tops and short coats out there, you wonder how the female kind survives here. I also learned a brand new word “Galosh”. Oh those hideous, huge rubber over shoes for the mud and snow. I still refuse to wear them, even if it means breaking my leg on ice. Another thing you get accustomed to is watching loads and loads of hockey. Like it or not, that’s what you get every bloody night on TV or the local pub. Montreal is also a place of interesting earthlings and language rules. You can speak English all you like (and you’re perfectly understood too), but you’ll get the answer back in French. Officials in Zipton still haven’t found a way to load my brain up with French. Till that time comes, I will have more interesting conversations with the French male earthling who comes every month and reads the Hydro meter (something about earthling power source). No, he’s not young and sexy! If I were a human, one of my aspirations would be to sing back vocals for a band like The Police and travel from town to town like gypsies do. You might be wondering, can Minkey Girl sing? Karaoke yes, real singing no. That reminded me a line from Indiana Jones “Fly yes, land no!” and they crash. Is The Police still making music? Wake up, wake up. Where was I just now? Hmm, curious thing.
Minkey Girl over & out
Coconutz FM 100 playing: It's Different for Girls- Joe Jackson
