Minkey Girl's Organoleptic Online Odyssey

Website Hijacked By Angry Ostriches!

2006-05-10T12:33:00.000-04:00

Website will be temporarily down because of a little misunderstanding. One ostrich claims he heard me saying how ugly he is so he hijacked my website...

Oh bother!

This message was brought to you by banana addicts counsel.

WANTED! Thief of All Wabbits!

2006-04-13T14:51:00.000-04:00

This just in;

WANTED! A bunny called "Big Ears Charlie" is wanted by the villagers of Little Stone who claim that he ate all the towns carrots. The villagers are upset that they can't have carrot cake and carrot soup anymore. Minkey Squad has been called in for the investigation as usual and have been on the search for Charlie immediately in the forest nearby.

If you come across the giant bunny, please keep calm and immediately hide your carrots and call our minkey hotline!

(A file photo of Charlie when he was only a teenager...He is 3 times the size nowadays)

Also making the headlines is Charlie's best friend Fufu who earlier today made a statement that she misses him very much and that he should stop eating all those carrots and return home safely at once for Easter.

Minkey girl over & out

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

2006-03-16T15:45:00.000-05:00

THE GOOD

THE BAD

AND THE UGLY

Signore, signori there is a story behind this, however I must rush to the annual sheep festival in Guatemala. In the meantime, you can try to figure out this extraordinary story. Now off I must go! Swish!

Minkey Girl over & out

News from the planet formally known as Planet Earth, informally known as "The land of the not so wise, but hopefuls."

2006-02-03T17:09:00.000-05:00

BBC NEWS.COM-Palestinian gunmen surrounded EU offices
in Gaza to demand an apology from the countries publishing
the cartoons.

Comments made by various entities;

Minkey Girl: Peace ya all! I will fly by with my spacecraft and shower you with lollipops, bubbles and rose petals.

Robin: Great Scott Batman!

His Holiness the 66th Holy Cow, the Holy Lord of Wisdom: Holy cow!

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Hard As Love - Marillion

Memoirs from a Minkey Girl Coming Soon...

2006-01-16T17:20:00.000-05:00

Ok, ok I know you all ran away from the chipmunk's song so I put that away in the attic...

Having barely escaped from my last adventure in the mountains has taken it's toll on me and I've been a sick and sore minkey for awhile...I won't say much, however I've saved the duck and he has joined the Minkey Squad. He's been a good friend and has been making cookies & gingerbread man for me (that are quite yummy!) Right now I'm working on my memoirs and won't have time to post much. However, to all my cute Earthling friends out there stay safe and come and say hello once in awhile! Hey you know who to call if you cross an ugly monster or evil turkey!

Minkey Girl over & out

Order your copy today! Coming out whenever it's printed by the cows... Don't leave your bathroom without it!!

WARNING! May cause your livestock to dance, your sheep may start bouncing. However, it is toaster friendly. Not responsible for burnt toast...

Coconutz FM 100 playing: We're Off To See The Wizard (Dorothy could have kept the last bit shorter...)

2005-12-23T18:28:00.000-05:00

Whoops boys and girls!!! I was only trying to hijack the Swiss Chocolate cargo plane. Arghhhhh!! No worries...You'll all get your yummy chocolates soon enough, if you've been a good minkey or earthling or whatever you are... HAPPY X-MAS AND NEW YEAR!

MG over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Alvin & The Chipmunks-Here Comes Santa Claus

BREAKING NEWS…BREAKING NEWS…

2005-10-19T21:12:00.000-04:00

This just in;

Minkey Girl who’s been on a top secret mission (check the Sasquatch files) somewhere in the Himalayan mountain region, has finally been able to send a distress message last night, after being missing longer than a month. MBIS (Monkey Business Intelligence Service) confirmed that they received an S.O.S, but have not been able to locate Minkey Girl due to the weak signal and treacherous region. Earlier this month, Minkey Girl was declared Missing in Action by both the MBIS of Zipton and the Minkey Squad that operates down on Planet Earth. A top official revealed part of the message in a press conference held earlier today at the Bananaville City Hall. The representative explained that he could not give all the details because foul play was suspected, and even though they do not have any suspects, it’s believed that Minkey Girl might still be under danger. Here’s a part of the message: Still alive. Stop. There are six of us left. Stop. Three lamas, an injured, migrating duck and a hairy creature. Stop. We are in a cave. Stop. Cannot find a way out. Stop. Lama spits are ruining my hair. Stop. The injured duck is driving me nuts! Stop. The hairy creature wants to eat the duck. Stop. Found some Sasquatch hair. Stop. We are getting good at poker! Stop. Please send toilet paper, sundaes and potpourri down here. Stop. MBIS and Minkey Squad have both dispatched mountain rescue teams.

Moki Reporting

An example of Minkey Girl's efforts to find a Sasquatch for our Planet Zipton;

GONE AFTER A SASQUATCH. PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE.

2005-09-02T17:49:00.000-04:00

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Our Lady Peace-Where are you?

Tea Anyone?

2005-08-30T19:42:00.000-04:00

With a moose, a buffalo and a bag of evil pigeons turned into jellybeans under my belt, I can finally take a well deserved vacation in paradise… or NOT! Oh well, I can always daydream while having timbits (I wonder if Tim Horton had the idea while playing hockey?) Please dip in dear earthling friends (may contain caterpillars). Oh, since you’re here, allow me to entertain you with a wacky hat I found at a garage sale. Neat eh?

(Please don't feed the wabbit)

Minkey Girl over & out

P.S. For the bouncy and the curious, I do not, nor ever have worked at Timmy’s. I’m friendly, but NOT that friendly…

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Queen-It's a Kind of Magic

MINKEY GIRL'S BIRTHDAY BASH

2005-08-24T15:16:00.000-04:00

Well there goes another birthday. Friends from around the galaxy, huge chocolate cake, lots of ice cream and banana daiquiris. Then there was the pinata fun... We all got a nice, big bump on our heads (some even got worse!) Never give a blindfolded Cylon a baseball bat and have some spare cocktails for angry wookies (correction, have some tranquilizers handy)...

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Iron Maiden-Can I Play With Madness

EARTHLING CITIZENS ASK MINKEY.

2005-08-17T16:28:00.000-04:00

Dear Minkey Girl,

I'm a huge fan and love the way you kick butt! Minkey, what do you do if you come across one of these?

Hugs & kisses xxx

Dana aka Danish Cow

P.S. Would you please sign my flower pot?

Dear Danish Cow,

Well first I’d say “Whoa! What an ugly bugger”. I’d immediately do the ‘wuga wuga’ move on him and knock him out (Fight like a Minkey Vol III). If you miss the first time DO NOT PANIC! Jump onto the nearest tree (training on your jumps is vital for your survival so practice daily). Now probably he’s gonna move forward and go “Arrrgh!” so now you’re facing his back (tip: this type doesn’t have very good eyesight). His heinie is his weakest spot so throw a few boxes of itch powder (preferably Minkey brand) that’ll distract him so you get another go at the ‘wuga wuga’ move and hopefully succeed! Once he’s knocked out and falls down, you’ll have to make a long, strong rope with whatever you find around you (Minkey Handy book 2nd Edition out Sept 20th). You have to be very quick and tie the rope around the monster’s belly before he wakes up, so you can hook him up to your spaceship (if you don’t have one no worries. Gotta dump a monster? Call Minkey Junk Picker). One more thing, once all that’s done, climb on his belly, put a gas mask on (preferably Minkey Mask available exclusively at Minkeysupplies.com) because this kind is well known for hating mouthwash. Then, throw a rope around the monster’s tooth and pull it out to keep as a trophy (you didn’t think that your friends were just gonna believe your story did ya?). If all goes well, assuming you were super fast or still alive by pure luck and the monster is still asleep, hop onto your spaceship and dump the monster to the sea. If the monster awakes during the flight don’t despair (better have the ‘How to Fly a Rocking Spaceship Manual’ handy), let him fall immediately to the water for this kind cannot swim, haha. Well Danish, if you get a chance to hunt a monster one day, your name will go on the Minkey Hall of Fame, you’ll receive a sticker saying ‘So, you’ve killed your 1st monster eh?’ and free ice cream for a whole month. Now that’s worth fighting for!

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Talking Heads-Psycho Killer

NEWS FROM THE BANANAVILLE GAZETTE

2005-08-08T13:58:00.000-04:00

HEADLINES:

-Harold reveals to Minkey Girl that he might not be a Sasquatch after all, because most Canadians call him “Moose”.
-Pointy White Beard Elders protest against littering and dangers of banana peels on streets.
-Mayor Munky disappointed in recent Sasquatch events, though happy with the pumpkin pies that Minkey Girl sent him.

SPECIAL REPORT

Minkey Girl Making New Allies

On our special report we follow Minkey Girl on a typical field trip on Earth, in search of very needed allies, for fight against evil entities. As our crew arrives at Minkey Girl headquaters (at an undisclosed location) and take off our blindfolds, we sense some tension in the air. Still, we are spoilt by MG’s hospitality and receive mango juice along with other delicious earthling refreshments. We soon find out that the Minkey Squad is troubled with some bad news about the Evil Pigeons joining forces with the Evil Seagulls. We are soon asked to change into earthling outfits to be less conspicuous and briefed by MG. It is amazing to see the elite Minkey Squad at work and transform into their ingenious disguises. We set of to a nearby forest that is privately owned and take our places in this specially designed cage wagon that is pulled by an earthling transporting device called a “tractor”, along with a bunch of annoying earthlings called “tourists”. It is a long, bumpy, narrow trail and strange earthling beasts in every corner. We soon understand why MG had been complaining about these small, flying, earthling creatures called “bugs”. There are lots of them and they bite us badly. The trip is harsh and the air is boiling hot. MG recalls “The loudest Quebecer man was sitting right next to me making my ears rust (only Canadians can understand the agony…). On my other side, the cutest baby girl sat and spoke in a weird dialect “yaya, dudu, googoo” and several times tried to pull off my tin hat. Later our team was able to translate it to “watch out for those antlers, they poke you in unwanted spots”. MG with all her excellent spy skills and the use of manipulation (a bucket of lamb chops) is able to meet the buffalo leader Burnaby The Great. Overall, the meeting goes well and Burnaby gives a long list of conditions to consider an alliance. MG gives us a glimpse of the now classified list:
- A week long vacation in Jamaica.
- Stay at Holiday Inn.
- Free room service.
- Have only RED M&M’s in the room daily.
- Have Evian bottled water at all times.
- A private masseuse.

- Free laser hair removal sessions.
- Surfing lessons, etc.

Moki reporting

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Bob Marley-Buffalo Soldier

MINKEY GIRL NOW RECRUITING FOR MINKEY SQUAD

2005-08-02T16:57:00.000-04:00

It was a one loooooooong, hot weekend (Monday was labor day here in Canada). Perfect time to go on a Sasquatch hunt, no I mean to go looking for new members for my elite Minkey Squad. Here I give you the names of the new, brave chipmunks that joined me. Oh, by the way, these are a few of my brilliant disguises…

“Bruno the Thunderous” Favorite quote “I love marshmallows”.

“Sandy the Drama Queen” Favorite quote “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful”.

“Black Beard Sammy” Favorite quote “Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!” Behind us Sammy’s sidekick “Lucky Duke of Henderland”.

“336 Royal Quakie Air Cadet Squadron”

“Minkey Girl looking for beavers on the treacherous river”.

P.S. Like my T-Shirt?

Announcements: Happy Birthday Kayla! Happy Birthday Kayla! Happy Birthday Kayla!

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Carl Douglas-Kung Fu Fighting

Something Weird is Happening and it’s in My Neighborhood...

2005-07-27T16:10:00.000-04:00

Our neighborly Evil Poopie Pigeons have been acting weird lately. They’ve been gathering around the Quacky Quack Quacks and stealing their food and even trying to attack them. The Quackies have had a meeting and asked for my help. I first didn’t believe it until my hidden minkey cam captured these images:

I wonder what they’re up to? Something tells me this will only lead to disaster! I will remain under cover till I find out. I’m calling all the minkey agents to keep an eye on the pigeons in their neighborhoods and report to me if there’s any unusual activity. For truth, justice and honor. The pink cow is out there!

Mission Requirements: Wear a safety hard hat, goggles, garden gloves and big rubber boots at all times. Carry bird seed, camera, binoculars, water gun and bubble gum.

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Marillion-The Uninvited Guest

BREAKING NEWS...BREAKING NEWS...

2005-07-20T13:09:00.000-04:00

This just in:
(Copyright Muppets Holding Company)

An Evil Attacking Turkey was spotted on the Swedish Chef's show on TV by Minkey Girl spies. It was apparently trying to hide it's identity as a famous Hip Hop star. Minkey Squad has started working on it's whereabouts immediately. If you have any tips please call the Minkey Girl Hotline 888-555-0000.

In other news:

Minkey Girl's Hippy Hippo Blue bookmark has been successfully found by a Minkey spy, who's identity is kept private, while he was vacationing at a remote holiday resort in the Bahamas. Hippy Hippo Blue said that he was sorry and that he'd just gone fishing. Minkey Girl refused to comment on the matter.

In entertainment news:

Minkey Girl was spotted at the screening of the new earthling movie "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory" last night. She warned everybody not to fall into Willy Wonka's chocolate lake. Minkey Girl finished the evening with running to an ice cream parlor and eating loads of chocolate ice cream.

Moki reporting

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Willy Wonka Theme

IT'S OFFICIAL!

2005-07-18T18:15:00.000-04:00

Minkey Girl is the proud owner of the new Harry Potter book and one box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, as of Saturday July 16th 2005, 3pm ET.

Warning: Do not mix up the red cherry bean with the earthworm flavored bean! It's a totally yucky experience...

Notice: I have lost a baby blue, hippo face bookmark. If anybody finds it, please return it to the Minkey Girl's lost and found booth. The naughty house elves might be behind it. Lost, loooooosssst :( . War!

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Bruce Springsteen-War

MINKEY GIRL SUCCEEDS IN DEFEATING THE EVIL INTRUDERS!!

2005-07-12T15:48:00.000-04:00

MINKEY SITE FULLY OPERATIONAL AGAIN!! LONG LIVE THE PINK COW!

Notice: I invite you all to my pink tie cocktail party to celebrate. Please bring lots of ice cream and candy :)

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Wallflowers-Heroes

Attn:Minkeygirl.com & Minkey Blog Temporarily Missing Pictures and Audio

2005-07-09T19:41:00.000-04:00

URGENT TELEGRAM TO VISITORS

-Minkey Girl Blog stop. Has been attacked stop. By unknown entities stop. Please don't adjust stop. Your browsers stop. We apologize stop. For the inconvenience stop.

From

Minkey Girl

Minkey Girl Hotline For The Severely Troubled and Whacked-out Earthlings

2005-07-05T14:55:00.000-04:00

Lost in space? Your mommy forgot to pick you up? Do you have evil attacking turkey phobia? Do you see bananas in pajamas? Do you feel aggravated if you don’t get your lollipop? Is the boogeyman still hiding in your shower? Do your garden gnomes pee on your plants? Does your cow want to fly? Did the pigeons poop on your favorite dress? Did your ice cream fall off the cone? Do you dream of sorting out your laundry with your favorite star? Do ugly, green beings continue to interrupt your tea parties? Does your chicken want to become famous? Is your cockaleekie on fire? Does your neighbour steal your rainbow colored clothespins? Did your teddy bear go on a walkabout? Are the house elves stinking your house? Do you want to win the bubble gum blowing contest? Do you need an evil zebra outfit for Halloween? Does your penguin do the hula dance? Does the neighborly Sasquatch like trying on your shoes? Do you need any intruders zapped? Do you want any family/friends to be abducted? Are you embarrassed to get lice shampoo from the drugstore? Do you simply need more duct tape or to be tickled?

Suffer no more! Call Minkey Girl now!

888-555-0000 OR E-mail minkey_girl@hotmail.com. Helping earthlings since potty training. THE PINK COW IS OUT THERE!

We’d like to hear from you! Please list your other daily troubles below.

P.S. The first 10 callers will get a free portable toothbrush and a pack of ultimate popping monkey gum.

Minkey Girl over & out

COW FLIGHT ACADEMY. We Want Your Cow!

2005-06-22T12:54:00.000-04:00

If we can't make it fly, we'll eat grass! No worries, we'll send your cow back within 14 days and we will pay back your money immediately. Guaranteed! At our prestigious academy, your cow will be trained by top instructors and will be pampered at our state of the art top secret facility. For a limited time only, we'll be giving Minkey Girl hand signed cow bells to new applicants. So hurry! Don't let this opportunity pass you by. Your cow might be the next big thing...

*This has been a paid advertisement by the Motivational Speakers For Cows Society.

THE FATE OF THE EVIL ATTACKING TURKEYS

2005-06-15T11:44:00.000-04:00

Evil attacking turkeys imitating flight challenged cows??? They didn't get away this time though...Mission accomplished!

The End

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: The Animal Song-Savage Garden

ATTENTION, THIS IS A PINK ALERT!

2005-06-07T22:19:00.000-04:00

Here you have it lads and lassies! Photographed for the first time, I give you the evil attacking turkeys! Watch out for them! Your neighbourhood could be the next target. *Minkey Girl charging up her super zapper gun*

(Photos used with kind permission from Marj Rines)

This message was brought to you by Minkey Girl. Always watching out for the munchkinny earthlings and faithful Irish or non Irish friends, bubbles, horsies, lassies who love duct tape, not so evil zebras, abducted cows, screaming kittens, fellow space monkeys, runaway chickens and bypassers who simply say "What da BEEP".

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Run Like Hell-Pink Floyd

News from the other planet formally known as Planet Earth, informally known as "The land of the not so wise, but hopefuls."

2005-05-31T13:30:00.000-04:00

Ticket Against Jaywalking Chicken Tossed-AP

(Whynotcards)

RIDGECREST, Calif. - A chicken that got a ticket for crossing the road has clawed his way out of it. State law restricts livestock on highways, but not domestic animals. It's not a problem when dogs run around in our neighborhood," Linc Moore said. "But when our chicken escaped and crossed the road once it became a huge issue."

Comments made by various entities;

Minkey Girl: Oh the insanity! I would like to see more of this on Court TV.
Robin: Holy, super chicken Batman!
His Holiness the 66th Holy Cow, the Holy Lord of Wisdom: Hmmm, the force is strong with this one. Bring him to me.

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Wild Wild Life-Talking Heads

News from the Bananaville Gazette

2005-05-27T11:36:00.000-04:00

Headlines

-Mayor Munky announces that he'll present Minkey Girl the city's golden banana if she finds the Sasquatch.
-Pointy White Beard Elders hold a meeting to discuss about the controversial Sasquatch issue.
-Bananaville Officials find an illegal coconut field operation run by the Sticky Fingers.

Bananaville Gazette Exclusive!

We have the first photo of what might be the Sasquatch that Minkey Girl was assigned to find.

Our insider reports that Minkey Girl's mission has been the most difficult one so far and being relocated up north was a tough ordeal. She's suffered the cruel effects of Redneckism, country music, clothing stores left from really old times, raging bulls and bug bites. Minkey Girl adds that there aren’t any cafés that make mocopachusnos either.

MG- I’ve learned new vocabulary up here, like “Howdy y’all!”,“Pickup truck”, "Tavern" and "Line dancing".

Interviewer- How did you find this creature?

MG- I was wondering in the bushes like I do everyday looking for Bigfoot when a swarm of bugs started attacking me. So I was running away like a mad monkey when I hit something hard and fell back on my bum. That’s when I met Harold.

Interviewer- Harold?

MG- Yes, Harold. That creature with the goofy looking face.

Interviewer- So you can obviously communicate with this creature.

MG- Yes, it wasn’t that difficult for me.

Interviewer- Did Harold say whether he is a Sasquatch?

MG- That information is classified.

Interviewer- What can you tell us about him?

MG- He is single, very friendly, likes popcorn and having long walks by the river. He visits me every day and has been teaching me how to make a pumpkin pie.

Moki Reporting

News from the Bananaville Gazette

2005-05-04T13:01:00.000-04:00

Minkey Girl's New Secret Assignment down on Planet Earth.

(Photo by R.Patterson)

Bananaville Gazette Exclusive!
An insider from the MBIS (Monkey Business Intelligence Service) made a shocking revelation to our reporters that they have asked their spy Minkey Girl to try to find a Sasquatch. A Sasquatch, also known as Bigfoot is a large apelike creature reportedly sighted hundreds of times in the United States and Canada (most often in the Pacific Northwest) since the mid-19th cent. Minkey Girl, who has currently been moved to an unknown location in the upper northern regions of Canada on Planet Earth, chose not to make any comments other than complaining about the cold weather and asking whether she can get a free vacation to Hawaii. MBIS Headquaters denied the news and made no further comments about why they sent Minkey Girl up north. If the insider is telling the truth, Minkey Girl has a very tough, hairy job in her hands. May all the Zipton beams be with you Minkey Girl!

Moki reporting

The Misery from the Far North...(From the Memoirs of a Minkey Girl)

2005-05-03T13:29:00.000-04:00

Oh the insanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is what we have

Instead of this!

And this is what I look like (well I had to disguise myself)

Somebody get me outta here!!!!!!!!

The End

Coconutz FM 100 playing: I'm Not the One-The Cars

Oh that Tortured Body & Soul called Darth Vader

2005-04-29T13:23:00.000-04:00

Can't wait to see Darthy on the big screen again in "Revenge of the Sith" opening in theatres on May 19th. By the way, what's with Ewan's dorky hairdo? It looks like Stephen Harper's (conservative leader) 5 dollar haircut. Got Ewan's book "Long Way Round" journalling his 4 month motorbike ride around the world (would like to do that myself one day).

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Anticipation-Carly Simon

San Marino F1 Rocked!

2005-04-29T12:34:00.000-04:00

What a race! What a victory! Minkey Girl salutes Fernando Alonso for kicking Schumi's ass!

P.S. Don't like the new rule about not allowing tire change at pitstops. Kills the fun.

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: We are the Champions - Queen

Teflon. To Use or Not To Use? That is the question.

2005-03-25T13:42:00.000-05:00

What do these daily items have in common?

Hello you earthling munchkins, I'm devoting this little space for awareness of the silent toxin Teflon.

Did you know Teflon is PolyTetraFluoroEthylene (PTFE), a large, complex organic polymer, which when broken down, forms several different types of simpler, smaller, organic chemicals that are gases that travel in the air. Dupont's plant produces a toxin called perfluorooctanoic acid, or PFOA. These chemicals have proven to be very toxic to animals, our environment and possibly humans. Please follow these links for accurate information about the dangers of Teflon.
*CBC Marketplace/Contaminants/"There's something in the air, and it may be coming from your carpet." Broadcast: March 20, 2005 : http://www.cbc.ca/consumers/market/files/health/teflon/
*Update about the lawsuit against the DuPont plant in Parkersburg, West Virginia " Teflon Chemical in Drinking Water Costs DuPont $107 Million"
http://www.ens-newswire.com/ens/mar2005/2005-03-02-09.asp
*Studies showing how PFOA's are spreading in animals worldwide
http://www.ewg.org/reports/pfcworld/part6.php

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: It's the end of the world as we know it- Great Big Sea

When Bad Things Happen To Good Bags...

2005-03-25T12:48:00.000-05:00

(Guess.com)

Caution! If you happen to own a Guess bag with Paris Hilton's face on it, please kindly proceed to the next blog. This blog may cause mild nausea or irritation.

So there it was, my cute Guess bag (not the one seen in the picture, but I wouldn't mind receiving it on my birthday...hint, hint you know who) sitting on my dresser as usual, on a very cold, dreary, winter morning. By the way, I've been seeing these dreadful Guess bags that have Paris Hilton's face all over them! What the hell?? I mean, what the hell?? Anybody? Anyways, something very unfortunate happened to my very bag that morning. You see, I had to carry two stool samples, not one but freakin' two samples to the hospital that day, in my pretty Guess bag (No I couldn't take another bag, shoot me coz I'm a girl!!Grrr) Believe me, it wasn't fun carrying that thing, knowing what's in it. Made me so nervous, so uncomfortable...That bag will never be the same again ladies and gentilmen. Neither my nose...you see one of the containers wasn't sealed tight enough! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Minkey Girl over & out

News from the Bananaville Gazette

2005-01-24T13:05:00.000-05:00

Headlines

-Ugly Red Bums outraged by new marital laws that limit them to have only 5 wives.
-Mayor Munky says more trees to be planted to solve monkey traffic.

In Entertainment News:

Movies from Planet Earth (Review by Minkey Girl)
-Simon Birch (1998)

Here’s a movie about inspiration, friendship and bravery you bouncy monkeys! Being little as Simon Birch isn’t a bad thing after all! This movie will make you cry your hearts out!!!!! Wahhhhhhhhhhhh, damn Disney! Bawwwwwwaaaahaaaaaaaa! Happy crying!

Memoirs of a Minkey Girl

2005-01-22T13:37:00.000-05:00


This is what I looked like in a previous life.	This is how I looked after going through George Lucas.

*Stardate 48892.1-There I was standing all alone, travelling through deep space, staring out to the galaxy with my golden plastic eyes wondering will they have fried chicken tonight?

*Stardate 59992.2-Ok, I can fly, but when will I get laid?

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Stargazer-Tea Party

Being Minkey Girl

2005-01-19T21:56:00.000-05:00

(Princess & the Pea Illustration by E. Dulac)

I’m an insomniac. I think sleeping is for dead people. No, I don’t see dead people! I see cows walking around in outfits. I still haven’t found that perfect pillow. It is difficult to put my brain to sleep, that’s why I write a lot. I mean a lot. I bounce a lot too. Too much monkey power! Once I arrived on planet Earth I had to have my tail surgically removed to be less conspicuous. It was traumatizing. I soon recovered when a wise monkey suggested getting a trampoline. Oh well, now at least I don’t have to worry about getting my tail frozen here in Canada. My trampoline is my brand new favorite thing. By the way, if you’re a curious bunny on how I ended up in Montreal, Canada out of all those warmer places, blame the MBIS (Monkey Business Intelligence Service). They did all those insane calculations (it took them a full year) and put me here. All my arguing about they could have made a slight mistake, the signal might have been better from Hawaii failed. Coming from a warm climate, it took quite some time getting used to the Canadian cold. I soon found out it’s all about layering. If it’s between -1C/-10C you wear one layer of clothing. If it’s between -10C/-15C, two layers and so on. It’s a bit difficult to move in 4 layers, I tell ya. Shopping from girlie stores don’t keep you warm either. All those tiny tops and short coats out there, you wonder how the female kind survives here. I also learned a brand new word “Galosh”. Oh those hideous, huge rubber over shoes for the mud and snow. I still refuse to wear them, even if it means breaking my leg on ice. Another thing you get accustomed to is watching loads and loads of hockey. Like it or not, that’s what you get every bloody night on TV or the local pub. Montreal is also a place of interesting earthlings and language rules. You can speak English all you like (and you’re perfectly understood too), but you’ll get the answer back in French. Officials in Zipton still haven’t found a way to load my brain up with French. Till that time comes, I will have more interesting conversations with the French male earthling who comes every month and reads the Hydro meter (something about earthling power source). No, he’s not young and sexy! If I were a human, one of my aspirations would be to sing back vocals for a band like The Police and travel from town to town like gypsies do. You might be wondering, can Minkey Girl sing? Karaoke yes, real singing no. That reminded me a line from Indiana Jones “Fly yes, land no!” and they crash. Is The Police still making music? Wake up, wake up. Where was I just now? Hmm, curious thing.

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: It's Different for Girls- Joe Jackson

Luke Skywalker's Tragedy...

2005-01-19T16:33:00.000-05:00

Introducing Hasbro's Darth Tater...

Obi Wan Kenobi: Luke, your father is a potato head.
Luke Skywalker: NOOOOOO, that's not true! That's impossible!

Poor Luke's screaming was heard throughout 10 galaxies. Like he hadn't gone through enough in his youth.

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: The Imperial March-Star Wars

DJ Bouncy & Minkey Girl Love William Shatner!

2005-01-19T13:26:00.000-05:00

Hi I'm Dj Bouncy for the Coconutz FM 100 in Bananaville.

Our CD pick of the month is William Shatner's "Has Been".

I'm sure many of you know him more by the name Captain James T. Kirk, my fellow Bananaville monkeys. From now on, here on Coconutz FM 100 you'll hear your favorite Space Captain sing too. So turn up your radios man and stay tuned to your favorite radio station Coconutz FM 100. Where going bananas have a whole new meaning.
Dj Bouncy

What can I say fellow munchkins, William Shatner is simply the coolest earthling. Here's an interesting fact about Mr. Shatner: He was once attacked by a skunk and had to call 911 for help. At the time, he was actually hosting the Rescue 911 show. He also likes imitating Michael Flatley (Lord of the Dance) and I definitely prefer watching William Shatner! I recommend listening to "Has Been" after jumping of a cliff or a nice cold shower.
Minkey Girl

P.S By the way cute teddy bears, you can listen to samples from "Has Been" at Amazon.com

ANOTHER DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN...MOMENT

2005-01-18T18:46:00.000-05:00

Setting: You're in a drugstore yet again, looking at the long line of shampoos because the last one you got didn't make your hair bouncier, shinier, healthier, stronger, etc.

So you're desperately looking at a row of 100 freakin' shampoos, you take one bottle after another to smell the scent, and don't you hate it when you squirt shampoo up your nose and sneeze. After an hour of extensive, boring research deciding on the next miraculous shampoo, you hope that it didn't go up anybody elses nose and that finally your hair will be super duper gorgeous.

Minkey Girl over & out

News from the other planet formally known as Planet Earth, informally known as "The land of the not so wise, but hopefuls."

2005-01-18T13:07:00.000-05:00

Yahoo news-The 555-seat (can hold up to 800 passengers) super jumbo Airbus A380 is revealed at a ceremony in Toulouse, France January 18, 2005. Airbus threw a spectacular party Tuesday for the world's largest airliner, the A380 -- overweight, overbudget and yet to fly, but hailed by its makers as a major European feat that will reshape aviation. Photo by Jean-Philippe Arles/Reuters

Comments made by various entities;

Minkey Girl: Do you really want to fly with 800 noisy people at 35 000ft?
Robin: Holy jumbo plane Batman!
His Holiness the 66th Holy Cow, the Holy Lord of wisdom: Can cows fly in this huge machine?

Silly Lines

2005-01-15T13:28:00.000-05:00

The Mambo Kings (1992)
Armand Assante dancing with the girl. The girl's sister watching says: He thinks he's the last Coca Cola in the desert?

The Simpsons
Bart Simpson: Can I go to the bathroom please?
Martial arts instructor: You can if you believe that you can.

Big (1988)
Josh (Tom Hanks, who’s actually 13 yrs old) upsetting his buddy Billy
Billy (Jared Rushton): I’m 3 months older than you asshole!

Roman Holiday (1953)
Joe (Gregory Peck) to Princess Ann (Audrey Hepburn)-If you just keep your mind off the poetry and on the pyjamas, everything'll be alright; see?

Minkey Girl over & out

News from the other planet formally known as Planet Earth, informally known as "The land of the not so wise, but hopefuls."

2005-01-14T16:13:00.000-05:00

PASADENA, Calif. (Reuters) - Europe's Huygens space probe landed on Saturn's largest moon, Titan, on Friday, sending back signals that it made a safe descent and its scientific experiments in the mysterious atmosphere had gone as planned.

Comments made by various entities;

Minkey Girl: Way to go earthlings!
Robin: Holy space probe Batman!

Why, oh why lovely earthlings?

2005-01-14T15:49:00.000-05:00

Not in any particular order;

-Polluting the Earth
-Letting wars and hunger kill humans when it could be prevented
-Not voting
-Manipulators and brainwashers for evil purposes
-Fanatics
-Teeth whitening craze
-Women’s magazines putting up images that aren’t real and marketing humans that they should look like that
-Really bad music on radio
-Female/male Pop Tarts
-Lord of the Dance (Michael Flatley)
-Tongue piercing (or even worse...)
-Telemarketing
-Paparazzi
-Bullying
-Really bad Hollywood scripts
-Thongs
-Potholes
-Bloody annoying TV ads (Depends (for adult wetters!), Imodium, Tampax, Yeast, Genital Herpes, etc)
-Having snails or poisonous puffer fish in expensive restaurants
-Reality TV shows
-Bitchy waitresses who forget to deliver your food or deliver the wrong dish and expect a large tip afterwards
-Nasty flight attendants, or even worse, old and cranky flight attendants probably going through menopause
-Small dogs in handbags
-Child porn
-Japanese cartoon porn
-Hunting animals for sport, not out of necessity
-Wars
-Intolerance
-Entertainment media
-Young earthlings reduced to bones
-Fake boobs
-Fake bums
-Michael Jackson’s nose
-Christian missionaries trying to convert Muslims
-“Another brilliant solution, to a problem that never really existed.” (As seen on TV products.)
-Grocery store coupons
-Expensive bottled water
-Hideous kitchen cupboards in rentals
-The know it all earthling guy in Canadian Tire ads
-Ignorance
-Hockey lockout in Canada
-Coffee madness
-Quebec’s English laws
-Female earthlings showing belly buttons in extreme cold weather
-Wearing flip flops outside in winter time
-Who’s bubble gum is more minty ads that make you wonder if earthlings’ mouths stink that bad
-Pimp mobiles
-Bears riding bikes
-Elephants painting
-The mini
-Children's books written by former porn stars
-Some earthlings eating dogs
-Fishermen catching fish and then letting them go
-All that technology, but there are still earthlings isolated from one another who remain ignorant

Minkey Girl over & out

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Lust for life-Iggy Pop

News from the Bananaville Gazette

2005-01-13T13:26:00.000-05:00

Mickey Mouse Look-alike?

Bananaville residents have become increasingly curious about singer/songwriter Barry Manilow’s face looking more and more like the cartoon character Mickey Mouse. Our planet Earth insider Minkey Girl reports that humans have a secret technology to alter face and body. Many residents thought that this technology is bizarre, though they’ll continue enjoying both Mickey’s and Barry’s work.

Moki reporting

Coconutz Fm 100 playing: Wild Wild Life - Talking Heads

News from the Bananaville Gazette

2005-01-10T13:38:00.000-05:00

Santa fooled MBIS again!

Monkeys all around planet Zipton were disappointed yet again when MBIS (Monkey Business Intelligence Service) officials announced that the Santa Claus they kidnapped from planet Earth is not the real, real Santa. This has been the 10th attempt of MBIS that failed to bring the real Santa to Zipton. Once again the job of delivering gifts was given to the Pointy White Beard Elders, who very happily took the job and showed no remorse over MBIS not finding the real Santa.

Moki reporting.

Coconutz FM 100 playing: Shock the Monkey - Peter Gabriel

ANOTHER DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN...MOMENT

2005-01-10T11:58:00.000-05:00

The Setting: You are having dinner with your friends at a decent restaurant (because it’s your turn to pay…)

You start off with a Caesar salad and the waiter comes up to you with a humongous pepper mill (always wonder where the hell they got that from) and you have some pepper on your salad. You start eating your salad politely when, and don’t you hate it when, a fine piece of pepper gets stuck on your throat and you start coughing like you’re choking on something. You’re coughing loud as a horse and tears rolling down your eyes and what’s worse yucky stuff from your nose starts dripping. Your friends looking at you in a state like should we pat on her back or should we totally ignore it. All the other people in the restaurant are looking at you annoyed and scrunching their faces like what the hell is wrong with her, that’s nasty. And you’re thinking Bloody Hell!

Minkey Girl

One of those days...

2004-12-24T23:32:00.000-05:00

I was being chased by a herd of angry goats, when I rolled off the bed, it was 11.30 am. I quickly put my jeans on, having difficulty zipping it, rushing to the bathroom to find out that I hadn’t taken off my nite shorts! (duh!) so I giggled a little. Most of the day was spent in bed …(ehem, no comment). Around 7 pm, we decided to make an extremely rare appearance at the Notre-Dame Basilica. Even though being a free spirit, wanting to light a candle for the ones I miss. On our way to the church, the car decided to break down in the middle of the street. It was 8. For a few seconds I wondered if it was a sign. Around 8.30 pm I had to survive the ice and -16 C to push the car to the sidewalk. Minkey boy had to take out the X-mas gift that he was hiding in the car and carry it around with him (I still don’t know what it is!). We took the metro. I liked the choir and the massive sky blue ceiling with golden stars. The mass was in French. We don’t know French. We left after half and hour. It’s 11.32 pm now... I want to open my gift!! I’m hungry…

Minkey girl over & out

News from the other planet formally known as Planet Earth, informally known as "The land of the not so wise, but hopefuls."

2004-12-23T16:54:00.000-05:00

Jakarta (Science-AFP)-Scientists discover world's biggest cockroach in Indonesian jungles.

Comments made by various entities,etc:

Robin:"Holy cockroaches Batman!"
His Holiness the 66th Holy Cow,the holy lord of wisdom:"Holy cow!"
Minkey Girl:"Holy Bongy! Another reason to be nice and friendly to your fellow household cockroaches."

From planet Zipton to Earth!

2004-12-21T23:46:00.000-05:00

It's bloody cold here!!!!